Update

I was hospitalized for 5 days last week. I'm better now.

God refused to let me pass in my sleep so now I have to deal with continuing my life here.

Still, I find myself in a sort of emotional and perceptual state where everything sucks.

Not having what I need sucks.

Boredom sucks.

Everything sucks.

My Truth About Being a Nexus

Sending out my compassion to people evacuated and affected by the LA fires.

--

I often find myself confronted by being a nexus and transmuter. If you ever wanted to be a sort of compression sponge for collective energy, let me tell you that you should think twice about this desire of yours. 

What adds further to this behemoth is that I heal souls.

Because of an implanting incident that occurred a few years ago, my emotions have become almost irreversibly more numb. I cannot feel most positive emotions as intensively as I used to. It's almost too dead silent sometimes in here.

While this spares me from some of the worst consequences and effects of having the energetic configuration I hold, I cannot help myself but say that I still experience a rapid cycle of depression and happiness (not mania). I've even wondered whether I am unipolar. My guides tell me I'm not.

There are entire groups of Lightworkers and starseeds that I feel what they live in general on a subconscious level. I am connected to their grid, on some levels, and it is quite painful emotionally and spiritually. Because of this, I went more than once to the ER or called a crisis center. 

I don't transmute for all beings on Earth. That's not possible. But only some groups, notably 5D+ beings and lightworkers.

I cannot change this.

There are at least three souls I became enough familiarized with, that I do this role with; not someone known on Blogspot though. Others come and go through my life, but I can't help but simply unintentionally transmute for them (and my own traumas) :(

However, it does help me to see that they're doing alright. And don't worry about my situation, please.

On average I feel a low almost everyday. Everyday, there is a time period where I drop in frequency and experience hopelessness, homesickness, despair, or intense sadness. I am feeling this right now. Those feelings are very, very intense in the groups I transmute for. I literally hold these starseeds/lightworker groups together away from reaching a negative ultimatum and if I wasn't there, many would die.

And you know what happened once? Some kind of shattering of my soul family grid! It will take a while to fully recover from that.

The problem with me isn't me. I am not suppressing my true self; it's my environment. I already am quite geared up, but I was trapped in an unsuitable environment, such as group homes, for an extremely long time. When I am trapped there I can't express my potential as much as I want. There needs to be a trigger, a step forward that will propulse me into full potentiality.

What's more, entities fight for my attention and I have to carefully tread on a thin line everytime I try telepathy.

In the right environment, I can be very powerful. I am not very limited except by the very environmental prison that surrounds me. It doesn't matter that I manifested this; I need to get out of there now - THIS YEAR IN 2025. It got so bad that I disclosed info about my mission to my case manager, who is also a social worker, and the psychologist at the residence - and they reacted well.

Some people have their utmost priority being having the right body. My top priotity at the moment is moving to the right environment, socially and physically. And yes, that will include extraterrestrials.

I can't stand it anymore

Every so often, I have a moment in my life where I reach breaking point. The velocity of the cycle at which I have this effect on me accelerates exponentially as time goes by. As of now, I would be tempted to describe these as a sort of mixture of extreme bereavement that I am not with my ET family yet, and most of all, a very strong urge to be free; the ET part is there since 2 or 3 years, and the freedom part has always been the core of the crises.

When this happens, I feel as if I'm being deprived of what my soul needs and wants for too long. This is actually a recurring familial trauma; my sisters were put in foster care twice, where they were neglected the first time. They had to wait two or three long, agonizing years to finally be home and had long-standing psychological sequelae.

As I reflect upon this phenomena, I now realize that me and my siblings are in a similar boat. Our parents cannot meet the entirety of what we need, because spiritually we also have a need for self-actualization that needs basically, Source/God, to fulfill itself. 

Besides, there has been a pattern of neglect and squalor in my family's household for several years, which is now done for after my family moved again. Yes, I once lived in squalor. My bedroom was a complete disaster and my bed was left broken, and so was my disjointed window, which fell down 2 stories once and could literally have landed on someone, or a car, but out of divine grace, did not. Our former feline friend almost died from starvation at one point. My mother was living in severe depression and did nothing but sleep all day long. This made me leave the home permanently with adult social services and hospital support.

Rain fell through my room and permakilled one of my old computers. I would gladly have reported all of this to CPS because of my siblings, however, they were all so scared of this group, because they already had sabotaged our lives. At the same time, my mother was constantly asking me for money sucking it out of my disability check, so I had to be put under a custodian who had the power to control all of my finances for a few years. By next month I will regain the right to use it all, but I cannot sign a lease on my own just yet.

As souls, we don't have parents. We are sovereign.

And also count in my absent father who literally abandoned us all after being caught doing more than a decade-long fraud., although he already had almost no fatherly involvement with us beforehand. My brother, who is almost 21 now, is permanently institutionalized in group homes since the age of five, because of his nonverbal autism and severe learning disabilities.

Add to this some of my real-life friends, who seem to have been trapped in a cycle of absenteeism from me or just always being prevented from seeing me in person.

I'm long out of that place of neglect, and I have new, better socioeconomic situations coming up, however, it is simply put ------- "filler" meant to help me survive here for now.

--

I don't know exactly what the global energy is influencing my thinking, but know that I am a fallible soul like you and I can be prone to cracking wide open, and internally struggling with feeling abandoned.

The yogi child, always waiting for something, someone, who seems to never arrive - until she decides to flip the switch and run off.

Meditation for Exiters

Breathe in,

Breathe out.

Imagine yourself surrounded by the ray color of your choice, can be one or multiple, and the divinity Hermes, the god of travel.

Invoke all of your preferred angelics, and ascended masters.

And most of all, ask for your soul family to step forward.

"I, _______, declare my intention to visit outer space (or go home) physically while in this present lifetime, within the closest possible divine timing. I judge that this is the best option for me at this present moment"

Say whether you want it temporarily or permanently.

Insist that you want this to happen while you are still alive in the flesh, if suits you.

Repeat 3 times.

After the triple statement, tell them about how you feel, tell them everything you can say.

Now, imagine yourself (and maybe also others who desire the same thing) being exfiltrated. Send all of the signals of your desire towards Source, and your guides. Flood everything with love. Be careful not to cause too much resistance. Remain open to what they say.

You can also talk with them and see the options if doable.

Focus on the intention until you feel that you are done with the meditation.

A Suggestion on the Preservation of Starseed Heritage, Identity and Culture

Alike the laws protecting Indigenous cultural knowledge, identity, traditions and rituals as intellectual property,

"Starseed" denotes any human being on Earth who has either spiritual, earthly or bio-spiritual ancestry primarily related to extraterrestrial groups who settled on Earth at any point, regardless of their identity and awareness of their bloodline.

"Starseed cultures" denotes all ideas, patents, technologies, intellectual property, energetic rituals, and other traditions and customs transmitted intergenerationally from the ancestors of humans who have a starseed bloodline, shared with humans regardless of their genetic status.

"Starseed identity" denotes all gestalts of identity within Starseed groups.

"Blood quantum" is not needed in order for this protection to serve someone as doing so would be discriminatory and lead to consequences such as unfair treatment due to disclosure of genetic links with certain bloodlines. For instance, if someone is 1/2 or 1/4 "starseed", remains irrelevant - what is relevant is the preservation of the culture amongst humans, starseed or not.

This proposition suggests:

- That groups of power and the cabal cease and desist from stealing Starseed culture, identities, intellectual property, such as their traditions, patents, customs, and oral history; and acting detrimentally towards the rights of Starseeds

- That groups in power cannot exploit Starseed identities or cultures, or Starseeds' energy for personal gain;

- That groups in power cannot use Starseed identities, Starseed culture or Starseeds without the collective consent of Starseeds themselves;

- That technologies such as cellphones, and any technologies originating from the consciousness of Starseeds and Starseed cultures, remain entitled and tributary to their original thinkers, inventors or creator, and that these patents cannot be stolen without explicit permission from Starseeds.

- That any group or person cannot distort Starseed culture or Starseed identity for fulfilling a personal agenda;

- That any group or person cannot exploit Starseed DNA and lineage without consent of Starseeds, and this includes hybridization programs;

This suggestion is proposed to the Divine and respective groups aiming to support the Divine cause.