Depression

I am no stranger to pain and suffering. Especially not ignorant to depression and wanting to leave this world.

Depression has been part of my life since childhood, in recursive cycles. They used to be situationally triggered, but now I get lows every single day at certain times.

My nervous system adjusted itself to believe that life is nearly pointless as long as I don't get freed from my current situation of "entrapment trauma". This trauma stems from the fact I was forced to attend self-contained classrooms, segregated, and then screwed over by social workers my entire adolescence, along with people attempting to exploit my freedom and restrict, decide everything for me; and let's not forget the many group homes I lived in and still live in. I don't like anything about these residential facilities at all.

Due to this a part of me begs to temporarily leave Earth. And it is now stronger than ever.

What's the point of living to 50 without beginning my real work? Waiting sempiternally? Without contact with ETs? I find myself incredibly fortunate to experience this now.

I want to be free. I want to experience reuniting with my real family, and coexist with ETs in a medbed center. Even though we're so close now, I still feel miles apart. Even if I adjust my mentality now and say "I AM FREE NOW", that's not enough.

I am already ready to go to the next step and I still am in this sorry group home. Hopefully that changes when the medbeds are released for Tier 4B, and I can finally turn into the person I want to be and forget about all of the rest.