How Rejection and Abandonment Feel to Me

-- Please remain respectful in the comments --

I see myself as a relationally loyal friend. Not in terms of "not cheating" (I'm poly) but I feel sometimes that my efforts to keep a communication or a stale back and forth between a friend and I fall flat at times because their lives are unpredictable. My own flakiness with certain people was thrown back to me. Maybe I can be a bit too anxious about what's going on with them, or I have a project with them that I absolutely do not wish to leave aside. But for others, I fear their presence as they are somehow too blunt and rip apart my beliefs too fast.

Imagine you make friends with someone who has the cure for cancer. However one day, you make one tiny slip-up that sends them dumping you instantly. You will never get the chance to get your efforts recognized against cancer ever again. You'll never be able to talk to this person again. Let that sink in. How does that sound?

People have communicated to me that I have somehow breached an even minor boundary by outright permanently excluding me from their space - and they do have that right, but the way they communicated that anger still was too abrupt and inefficient. I'm a super sensitive person when it comes to that stuff, it's hard for me to remain cold-blooded except if they're someone I do not feel attached to or corded with. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. Think about it, it feels like getting permanently expelled from school for chewing gum in class. Then I go into a spiral of resentment against the person for ignoring my sensitivities as they may not know in advance which is hard to contain since I am aware of energy cords and hexes and absolutely do not want to send them these, and shame and guilt for what-have-I-done-wrong. I make efforts to be my best version! The more stressed and traumatized people get, the more distrusting they become, and the angrier and more firm their boundaries turn. In general, I find people with CPTSD to be very angry and "broken" individuals. I even could have traits myself of CPTSD. I think their anger is valid but they don't necessarily have all the tools to express themselves with tact because they think being nice always turns them into a doormat.

In short, it feels like getting fired.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being pissed off at someone, but I find it sad that humans and Starseeds tend to become less and less openly trusting of people in this era.

It is not always fair to cut off someone as a "punishment" or "revenge" for being badly behaved. You must close doors for your own sake and well-being first, and not for deliberately causing detriment in people.

And I'm not saying you should always give second chances. I'm talking about communication.

And no, I am not calling anyone "emotionally stupid".

I don't know. Should I just take the punches and move on every single time? I'm exhausted. How will things differ off-world, or with my space family? What is their idea of a relationship?