Clarification

I no longer want to be associated with memories or situations I created in the "past" which no longer do me good or serve me at all.

I no longer want to be associated with my "past self", the defunct identity.

During my pre-incarnatory stage, and perhaps even my future afterlife, and as my Higher Self, I think I played too hard with using higher nodes in reality so that "future" and "past" events could merge into one lifetime. I could have very well caused a serious dent or cleft in my personal or collective incarnatory cycle in this life or beyond, so I could uncomfortably nudge myself in, and I chose to perform an accelerated spiritual activation.

I wanted this combination of acts in reality to turn me into a distinguished being - so I paid the price.

Maybe there is an "I", out there, who is even more distinguished than this "I" which is my own attention point. 

Furthermore the matrix which holds all of my aspects together was broken by a specific, uncertain event. It may take many years or decades to fix it, not sure.

My cells, my DNA have memorized a thing. But what?